This is a little part of an essay I had to write for another class, Freedom and Authority. The yellow highlights are transitions, the orange is pointing term, the blue highlights are repetitive words. I see that I use the same words over and over again. I believe that if I would go back and use the transition words that the, “They say, I say”, book has I could really make this paragraph flow better.
For a fellow peer’s paper (below) that I reviewed, I made very vague marks on her paper and talked to her about it. I thought of some suggestions that could make her paper fuller.
I thought the paper was good, but there are some things that I suggest would really complete your paper. Possibly try relating it back to your career more, like instead of saying scientist say, pharmacist. Also, some of the quotes seemed like they were dropped in with little prior knowledge of what you are talking about. So, I think if you say who the said what before placing the quote in it would really make things flow better. Along with the quotes, most of them are explained but a few are kind of just placed in. I think that if you explain them and kind of go farther with them then you could really make this paper great. In the conclusion, I think that if you rehit all your major key points instead of only talking about steam in education then it could really wrap up your argument well. Overall, I thought it was a good paper and really liked the quotes you chose and how you really focused on the educational aspect of incorporating art and science.
You consistently engaged your peer’s text. Well done! I also appreciate you providing your peers with specific solutions for their writing challenges. Great job!