Reading through my Peers’ feedback I can see that I have a bit of work to do for my paper to be really something. I know I need to work on the organization with some of the information. I plan on changing my lead to give a more personal feel of who Jessica is. I might possibly include a quote from her that would really come through with who she is as a person. I know I will need to fix my title to match more closely with my actual paper, I kind of just threw something up I thought would work but after the comments, I can see that it really does need to be changed. I also plan to either get rid of the negative comments or wording that is within my paper to ensure that Jessica does not look bad to anyone that may read the final product. I also plan on fixing the paragraph about her job and the colleges she has worked at before to ensure I am not just giving a long list of factual information that the reader just skips over because it is so much. Depending on how I rearrange some of the information I may email Jessica to answer a few more questions just to make sure that I am able to show as much of her as I can through this profile piece. I feel that the quotes from other employees and students that are or were in Jessica’s life will help in describing who she is as a person. I think that shortening my paragraphs a little would help the paper flow a little better in transitioning between what I am talking about. I know I needed to fix my transition into some of the quotes that I used to ensure better flow and understanding of where I want to go with the paper.
“We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something.” ― Mother Teresa
