I need to shorten my paragraphs to allow an easier flow in a more journalistic format. I could possibly work on my structure more to really grab the reader sooner rather than have all the good information down at the bottom and change from conversational to a narrative. I need to shorten the amount of information I give about the parking lot set up and get more into the actual problem with the parking and how frustrated everyone gets over finding a parking spot. Instead of telling the reader “okay we are going to “talk” about this now and then this” I could start off with a student telling a story about one of the times they had problems finding a parking spot. Another thing I need to add is where I got my picture from to give credit to the people I got the picture from. The rough draft feels like it is open to everyone, but some of my peers feel I should keep it to people going to UNE and I agree. I think instead of trying to grab everyone’s attention I could write about how everyone knows how stressful finding a parking spot is and we all go through some of the same things. After having my rough draft reviewed I am planning on starting fresh and incorporating quotes more throughout the article rather than just shoved down at the bottom.
“We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something.” ― Mother Teresa
