-Alexandra
I feel like you could reword the lead to start the story off smoother. I think that you rephrase the same thing a few times in the first paragraph. It seems the story is more conversational than narrative. Possibly try to cut out “I’m here to tell you about ” and instead start off with “Parkhurst is new at UNE and a few students and staff have some comments they would like people to know.” I like how you give a brief background of Parkhurst, maybe you could separate the paragraph between “meals cooked with care.” and “According to their website..” to help break up the big paragraph. Try to refocus what your paper is about because I’m just not quite sure if the lead really goes with the rest of the paper. I think if you had more quotes from students along with from actual staff you could help get a better understanding of what it is like for them to be under new orders. The quotes that you have are very well used, possibly see if you could use exact quotes from the interviewees to help really back up the story. I feel you need another paragraph to really end the story, it kind of left me with a so what does this mean for me? What does this mean to the rest of the people eating at the dining hall?
