-Kaelin
The lead is very well written it pulls the reader into what is happening now. I do not know if you necessarily need the part where you were involved you could just get rid of that part and the lead would be great there. I know it is not meant to be a complaint but that is the feeling I am getting from this story so far. I kind of feel that getting a different student’s perspective as well as your own may be beneficial. I like the quotes but I wonder if instead of having the quotes you could actually have the answers or have the questions in combination with the answers to the kind of have some actual answers to the numerous questions. I like how in the end you talk about how the woman’s identity who was stolen is the most affected because now people do not know whether they can trust an email from her. I think that the quote at the end is perfect and flows really well with the article. I like the quotes that you incorporated into your article they all fit very well. You could possibly try to get quotes from other students as well to really help back up your story.
-Nick
What if for the lead you start off with “Not only do athletes crush their competition on the field and rink but they crush them in the weight room.” I think this will allow for a quicker step into the story and get the information out to the reader faster. I am a little confused about what the actual purpose of this paper is, I think it is so people know that the weight room is another place for athletes to train. But, once the reader gets more into the body the weight room is just being described and then at the end it talks about football and how the coach feels about the weight room. So, you could possibly try to narrow down exactly what you want to talk about that the weight room provides. I definitely think that more quotes would be beneficial. Trying to get more viewpoints on how the weight room is important to athletes and others that use the facility. You could interview the people that work in the weight room, athletes, athletic majors, and maybe some regular people if they go to get fit and not for sport. I think once you really focus on one point you want the paper to go with, the story can be very well told.
-Ravin
I like how you start off with the location of the school to help give readers an idea of where the school that is being talked about is at. I think the lead is well written and the reader is pulled in to read more about what the EcoPrint initiative has to offer. I think that your paper is very well written giving the background information needed to understand where this initiative came from and how students reacted to it. I think that you could possibly describe what exactly is a cloud-based printing system when the printers are not working properly. I like that you add at the end how the University is waiting for the year to finish before adjusting any limits to printing. I wonder if you could possibly try to find someone who has gone over the page limit and get a few quotes from them to see if the page limit affects what they choose to print. I think one thing to look out for is whether or not what someone said is a direct quote or not. I think the first body paragraph could be split right where you say what Kuntz has to say to help break it up a bit.
-Steven
The question alone pulls the reader in and that is great. But maybe you could give just a little more in the lead to help explain more what the paper is going to be about. I think that the questions you have and the answers given will really help the story be complete. I wonder if you could possibly also get a quote from some of the members to talk about their perspectives of being almost 100 years old. I am curious as to whether there is a way that you could set up the story so that it does not necessarily seem like a conversation between you and Dr. Meuser. Maybe you could talk about how the program is and what it actually enables the people apart of it to achieve. I like how in the very beginning you explain what exactly a centenarian is and how UNE comes into play with talking about them. I wonder if you could find a way to decrease the length of the quotes you use and find a way to put what the Dr. is saying into your own words that way it is not just him explaining what the program is. To show the reader that you understand what he is saying and you can help break it down for the reader.
